Posts Tagged ‘Famiy’

Scary but real : thoughts after watching A Beautiful Boy and Adolescence

July 9, 2025

Watching A Beautiful Boy is like witnessing a parent do everything possible – read, reason, plead, love – and still watch their child slip away into addiction. Not because they didn’t care, but because sometimes love, when not paired with limits, can become helpless.

The Netflix series Adolescence, featuring Jamie Miller, offers another window into this fragile stage of life. Jamie is not a bad kid. He’s thoughtful, confused, emotional – and like many teenagers, quietly overwhelmed. There’s no one moment of collapse. Just a slow drift, enabled by absent boundaries and unclear guidance.

Both stories are unsettling because they’re so familiar. These aren’t cautionary tales from troubled homes. These are stories that could belong to any family. And they highlight a hard truth: adolescence isn’t just a phase. It’s a vulnerable, high-risk time – and it needs adults who are not only loving, but also strong.

Because here’s the reality: teenagers need rules. They may argue against them, but they need them. Boundaries give them a sense of safety and structure. Adults often hesitate – fearing confrontation, or wanting to be seen as supportive. But when understanding turns into over -indulgence, or when guilt replaces discipline, the results can be damaging.

Respect for money, time, and discipline doesn’t come naturally. It must be taught. And it starts at home – with consistent boundaries, with the courage to say no, and with conversations about effort, responsibility, and consequences.

Yes, adolescents need to be heard. But they also need to be challenged – gently but firmly. Giving in to every emotional outburst, rescuing them from every discomfort, or handing out money and other resources without context teaches the wrong lessons. That actions don’t have consequences. That limits don’t exist.

What A Beautiful Boy and Adolescence make painfully clear is that presence alone is not enough. Adults must also be anchors – calm, firm, and sometimes unpopular. Young people watch more than they listen. They learn from what we tolerate. And in a world that pulls them in every direction, they look to adults for signals – of what’s acceptable, what’s valued, and what’s not.

So yes, be patient. Be calm. Be kind. Listen. Respect. Reason. Forgive. Encourage frankness. But also be clear. Set rules. Teach restraint. Insist on respect – for self, for others, for money, for effort.

Because adolescence isn’t imaginary. It’s messy, confusing, and very real.

But it’s also an opportunity – for growth, for resilience, and for adults to lead – not just with open hearts and patience but also with strong minds steady hands.

Rakhi nostalgia

August 11, 2022

My father’s elder sister Padmalaya Das, who was fondly called Mami Nani by almost everyone in our extended Ratho family had no children of her own. I don’t know if that was a reason why she showered her love so generously on her nephews and nieces. Maybe not. Maybe she was just born like that. Some people are.

Mami Nani’s house in Cuttack was so full of books and papers, because both she and her husband were bibliophiles, that there wasn’t much space left to entertain guests. But she did. She would invite us in ones and twos and cook delightful meals for us. Her little abode, accessible through a flight of narrow winding stairs was an island of peace and love.

I was fascinated by Mani Nani’s love for books and her anecdotes. . She wrote very well too – in English. Her style was fluid and her humour gentle. Her column Cuttack Notebook, published regularly in the 1970s in the Hindustan Standard newspaper ( published in Calcutta) was a delight to read – even for youngsters like me. While she favoured fiction , her husband Mr GN Das read serious books on Anthropology and allied subjects. He was a proud and brilliant man from an aristocratic family who never took up a job. He was too busy researching esoteric subjects like the history of cyclones and embroiled in litigation over ancestral agricultural lands. Mami Nani and he led simple and peaceful lives unadorned by material possessions like motor cars but she never seemed to envy the relatively less modest lifestyles of her brothers. She loved everyone and everyone loved and respected her. Her life was devoted to social work and she was associated with many NGOs, local and International.

There is a special reason for remembering Mami Mani on the occasion of Raksha Bandhan. She would come unfailingly on that day every year to tie Raakhi around the wrists of her brothers – and her Bhabis ! And there were always little goodies for the nephews and nieces. I really don’t remember the goodies but I do remember her smiles and her soothing voice and her love of books .

Mami Nani left us somewhat early. I think of her often. Especially on the occasion of Raksha Bandhan.

#nostalgia #aunts #brothers #sisters #books #love # Cuttack #simplicity #beauty #departed